Can't Sleep

I leave Thursday for Phoenix. I'm a litle nervous about going down and staying with a bunch of people I don't know. Everyone seems really cool though. I'll be driving down with BG and I know we'll have fun! (I can use some girl time!) I'm also nervous because I know I am not in as good of shape as probably everyone else down there. But really for me this is more about my mental shape than physical. Last season was over for me almost as soon as it had begun. And even though I had cyclocross, it still seemed like a very long winter. So a few days in Phoenix will hopefully help the winter blahs. I also feel like I need to get out there and race and this time there will be no blue van there to give me an out if the going gets rough :(. I need to trust myself again on the bike, and especially in a race under pressure. I need to not cringe at every pothole and I need to stop imagining how it will take me down and put me out for another summer. I think the only cure for that is riding- my usual cure for everything.

So instead of blogging I should be writing my paper on Human Motivation (obviously I'm not the person to write about that since I am blogging instead). Or I should be doing my laundry or packing or even sleeping. Instead I am up and feeling hungry and guilty for leaving my kids to go race my bike- even though they have their own lives and mostly need me to fill the fridge.

I think I'll go clean my chain. . . .